Clean & Serene
Johnny: No wonder you keep getting caught then, Billy. You can't stay away from it.
BillyNow, let's be clear, I keep getting caught because assholes like you ain't watching out for me.
Johnny: Don't question me. Sometimes you gotta look out for yourself, Billy.
Billy: Okay. I'll save my questions until I see the chapter. And you better have looked after my baby.
<driving - returning to The Lost MC - B>
Billy Had any contact with my dear old friends, the Angels of Death?
Johnny There's a truce, Billy. You know that. A truce means no hassle,
everybody gets to do business and make money without looking over their
shoulders too much.
Billy All the money in the world isn't worth anything if you don't have your
Johnny It's hard to be proud when you don't have a roof over your head. I can
show you the books.
Billy Fucking books, man. Fucking books. Show me some whiskey. Show me some
hole. I've been putting up with rehab skanks getting sex therapy for
the last few months. I need something real.
Johnny Oh yeah?
Billy Who's been hanging round the house? The usual mattress cover?
Johnny Some old faces, some new ones.
Billy I ain't interested in their faces. You're the one who gets emotionally
attached, J, not me. Well, not to women at least.
Johnny Just bikes and drugs then?
Billy Bikes and brothers, Johnny. Bikes and brothers. I ain't attached to no
drugs, man. They're attached to me, clingy bastards.
<reach The Lost MC>
Johnny I bet you're happy to see this place, man.
[They cheer as they enter the club.]
Billy It is good to be back my brothers!
Clay Hoo-ha! Line 'em up, motherfuckers!
Johnny Line 'em up, my brother... yes, sir!
Billy Johnny, what's going on?
Johnny Not much, Bill. Usual stuff.
Brian We missed you, Bill.
Billy So, aching for a fucking drink here.
Brian Just pour, Willy Wetbacks.
Billy Salut, motherfucker.
Brian To wet pussy and dry tequila.
Billy Yummy. So, Johnny boy. Where's my bike?
Johnny You know where it is.
Billy Let me rephrase the question - where the fuck is my bike, and why the
fuck haven't you gotten it back for me?
Johnny Because you know where it is.
Billy Are you deaf? Give me that whisky. Are you fucking deaf?
Billy Then answer the God damn question. Why the fuck haven't you gotten it
back for me, friend-brother?
Johnny One word: business. Like I told you when you were in there, or were you
so busy playing holier-than-thou you started believing your own
Billy Oh forgive me. You know, I've had a complicated few weeks.
Brian I can only imagine, Bill.
Billy You know, coming off heroine's kinda hard. I think I acquired a touch
of amnesia. What business is more important, mister 1980s yuppie big
shot, than your best friend's bike, when he's close to getting a
fifteen year stretch?
Johnny The business that pays his lawyers fees. The business that puts food on
all of our tables. The business that we are all in, while you're out
pretending to be saved.
Billy Get my bike!
Johnny What am I? Your fucking dog?
Brian I told you we should have gotten his bike.
Johnny You told me? You told me? You don't tell me shit, you little fuck.
Listen, Billy, they were pissed and they had a reason. Your bike
chopped that girl's leg off. You put Joe Jon's nephew in a coma. The
Deadbeats kept the bike. We needed the money.
Billy You needed some balls. Some fuckin' heart. Something. I can't believe
I'm hearing this shit.
Johnny And I can't believe I'm hearing this - after everything we did for you.
Paid your rehab, paid your lawyers fees, paid your rent, paid
everything, shit, we set stuff up for you. We do well, man, but it's
time to be smart.
Billy You're right, you're right, no you're right... You know what I'm gonna
do? I'm gonna run right out and buy a condo. Get a mortgage, 401(k).
Then fold that over into an IRA and a CD. [laughing with Brian] What
the fuck, man? Be smart? You be smart you fucking chump, you're
ridiculous. Have you got a healthcare plan?
Jim Come on Johnny. Let's just get his bike. Come on.
Johnny Well on your head be it.
Billy It always is. It's called leadership. Shit meaning something.
Johnny Yeah and your shit means a lot, man. C'mon. [walking away]
Billy Wait, c'mere. Listen, man. I'm a little pent up right now. You saw that
shit I had to go through, right? It was really frustrating. Fucked up
shit. Craziness, right? Okay, so I'm a little pissed off and I've been
a bit of a prick lately, but come on man. You and Angus built that bike
for me. That's gotta stand for something.
Johnny Yeah you're right, brother. I'm gonna go get it. And you know what?
Peace and prosperity be damned.
Billy Peace and prosperity be damned, my brother. You are my brother, Johnny.
Johnny [walking off] Let's go!
Billy Brothers, I couldn't let you run this errand without me. You might fuck
it up. Brothers aren't meant to be this close, Johnny. But we're gonna
have to be until I get my bike back.
Jim Let's hope Pretty Boy still knows where this thing is. Guantanamo
<driving - going to Guantanamo Avenue - A>
Billy Look at me, manage to avoid prison and I'm still ass to cock with a
Johnny Yeah, well, I ain't too happy about it neither man - you wanna turn
around and go back to the clubhouse?
Billy I'm happy about it alright, John boy. Fuck, after that therapy shit, a
drink and the road is all I need.
Johnny Good to know.
Billy You been missing me all that time I spent sharing and caring in rehab?
Johnny Let's get your bike and save the emotions for later.
Billy You know what, Johnny? You could do with some of the trust exercises
they got in there. I'm going to blindfold you when we get back. All you
gotta do is fall over and trust that your brothers are going to catch
ya. Can you do that?
Johnny You boys'll be too drunk to catch VD, let alone two hundred and thirty
pounds of rapidly approaching middle age.
Billy Technically, you're two hundred and thirty pounds of Jewish biker, John
boy. Your faith has gotta come first.
Johnny Religion, Billy. Religion. I gave up with faith.
Billy Johnny the Jew, Klebitz the Heeb. Good to be here, man. Good to fucking
be here. What's your problem?
Johnny Nothing, man.
Billy I'm the leader of the chapter again, Johnny. And you're just another
brother. Can you handle it?
Johnny Long as you run the chapter right we can all handle it.
Billy I'll run it the way it needs to be run. Same as the three guys before
me did. Same as I'm doing now.
Johnny Really? It feels kinda different. Before all we cared about was having
fun, the brothers, getting shit-faced, it's screw you, you get in our
way, you're gonna get your teeth kicked in.
Billy Thank you for sharing! And now what's it feel like to you, Jonathan?
Johnny It feels like knocking heads is a full time job and maybe if we stopped
doing it for a minute, we'd look around and realize that the fun ended
a long time ago.
Billy Yeah? Well, I signed up to be a brother for life, you ungrateful fuck.
If you're in The Lost for the good times only, fair weather weekends in
the Carraways, then you ain't in The Lost. You get me?
Johnny Chill out, man. I just hope when we decide to take a break, to slow
down, that it's still an option on the table.
<driving - going to Guantanamo Avenue - B>
Billy How's Angus?
Johnny Good, you know. You should go and see him.
Billy Yeah, sure. I got a lot on my plate. I only just got out and look at
the state of shit around here.
Johnny He'd appreciate if you made some time for him. He may be stuck in a
chair, but he's still a member of The Lost.
Billy That guy, he's an exceptional human being, an example to us all. After
the accident, shit.
Billy I mean, he can't ride, he can't get any hole.
Johnny I know what he can't do, Billy. He does too. Just go and fucking see
Billy You're tense, Johnny. must have been stressful heading up the chapter
while I was away.
Johnny It was fine.
Billy Not everybody's shoulders are wide enough to bear the responsibility.
Are any of the brothers giving you shit? I'll have a talk to them,
Johnny Things ran smoothly, Bill. You know, they ran real smooth when we were
concentrating on shifting drugs and not just putting them in our arms
and up our noses.
Billy With a nose the size of yours there wouldn't be much blow for the other
brothers anyway, John boy.
Johnny All I'm saying is we were cool. We took a break from saying "fuck you"
to everything and we made some deals that worked out.
Billy Yeah, good for you Johnny. If you had so much fun why don't you go
start your own chapter?
Johnny That's not what I meant, man.
Billy Because this one, my chapter, isn't big enough to have two people
pulling it in different directions.
Johnny I know, man. I'm loyal, but I ain't a drone, man. We should be able to
talk about shit.
Billy You know, I've been here since I got out of juvie. I've seen men die
for their brothers and men rat their brothers out. And I know that this
gang don't mean shit if men don't follow their leader.
<reach Guantanamo Avenue>
Jim This is the joint.
Jim Pretty Boy.
Jim Where's the bike?
PB Oh, it's good to see you too, tough guys. Uhh... what bike are you
talking about exactly?
Johnny You know what we're talking about.
Jim Billy's bike.
PB Billy's bike? Jesus, man, it's been a long time. I thought he was dead.
What's he want it for? To sell it for crack, right, eh?
Jim Shut up.
PB Listen, you know how it is. Thing's passed hands, parts been changed
up. Hard to say if that chopper's even around anymore. Sorry, boys...
Billy [walks in] You will be, my friend. You will be.
PB Hey, good to see you, Bill! Man, I thought you was dead...
Billy Jim, start up the bike.
[Jim starts the bike, Johnny holds Pretty Boy's face down to the tire.]
PB Whoa, hold on... Wait please, please... no, nooo...
Billy Where - is - my bike?
Johnny Speak, you ugly fuck!
PB Ah, okay listen... ah, the Angels of Death took it to their place in
Billy Motherfucking Angels of Death.
PB That's all I know... please!
Johnny Thank you.
Billy Yes, thank you.
[Billy smashes Pretty Boy in the face as they leave.]
Jim Okay, now all we gotta do is pick up the bike.
<driving - going to the AOD hangout - A>
Johnny You didn't have to do that. He told you who had the bike.
Billy You really have gone soft, haven't you Johnny? You know, you could do
with a stretch in the joint, might harden you up.
Billy What about an eye for an eye and all that shit? You shoulda been the
one to make that guy pay for holding out.
Johnny Enough with that shit. We got more things to worry about than respect
and stupid kids' stuff. We got to keep business afloat or we're fucked.
Billy You just don't get it, do you? This is what it's about. This. Not that
money shit. We're in it to stick it to all those yuppies and hippies
and motherfucking Deadbeats. Give me a stiff drink, some hard drugs,
the road and my chopper. That's all I need. Maybe an occasional bit of
the hole. Wouldn't be a man if I didn't need that now, would I? How's
Ashley, by the way? She single?
Johnny What about your brothers, man? Ain't you in it for The Lost?
Billy Everything I do is about The Lost. I don't exist without my brothers -
without you. If you don't get that, then you don't get nothing, John
boy. Sad state of affairs.
Johnny Yeah, well, it's some tough love you're showing them.
<driving - going to the AOD hangout - B>
Johnny Poor fuck. I don't think he's got any nose left.
Billy Well yours is plenty big, my compassionate friend. You should donate
some. To the cause.
Johnny Shit, you know best, Bill, you're the leader. You make these decisions,
I'll just taxi you around on your little welcome back tour. There any
more side trips you want to make on your way to the Deadbeats?
Billy No, I just want my bike back, that's what this is all about.
Billy But Johnny, you need to quit your bitching and moaning.
Johnny I'm not gonna quit telling you when you're being an asshole. Being a
leader doesn't make you right.
Billy You haven't always got the information, brother. So shut up and behave.
Your ego is getting you into trouble, my friend.
Johnny It used to be all you need to worry about was waking up with some
bruises. Maybe a broken rib and a hangover.
Billy Don't forget about the ugly broads you'd take home.
Johnny Now, Pretty Boy's waking up without a face. That's not gonna go back to
normal. Angus lost his legs for life.
Billy You're out of line, Johnny. You're out of line.
<reach AOD hangout>
Jim We're here.
Johnny Let's get your bike then.
<The Lost have a brief shootout against some AOD bikers.>
Billy There she is, my baby. I think we earned us a drink, follow me.
Johnny We're all behind you, Billy. Lead on.
<driving - returning to The Lost MC - Clay dialogue>
Clay Looks like Billy's back getting this old gang into deep shit.
Johnny That's a President's job, ain't it, Clay? Same with a motorcycle club
or a whole country.
Clay Who knows, man? I leave the politicking to you boys.
<driving - returning to The Lost MC - Jim dialogue>
Jim Billy got his bike back. He'll be cool now.
Johnny Yeah, Jim? Something tells me fucking up Pretty Boy and killing them
Deadbeats ain't enough for him.
Jim Maybe. Let's just say I'm not gonna share today's events with Jackie
and the kid.
<driving - returning to The Lost MC - Jason dialogue>
Johnny Jason, I haven't seen you around much, man.
Jason Yeah, I been fucking this Russian bitch in Broker. Gets her psycho
daddy real mad.
Johnny He gives you trouble, he'll have to start worrying about the whole
chapter. Tell him that. Then we'll see how psycho he is.
<driving - returning to The Lost MC - Terry dialogue>
Terry What's Ashley gonna do now that Billy's back?
Johnny Fuck me Terry. That's her call. It's a free country.
Terry I don't know where you've been living, pal. Us brothers are the only
free people I see.
<driving - returning to The Lost MC - Billy dialogue - A>
Johnny Hey, Billy! How's it feel to be on the old bike, man?
Billy Like when your wife is screwing the neighbor. I'm gonna be up all night
tuning her back to normal.
Johnny You're gonna be up all night fucking and getting high. The bike'll wait
<driving - returning to The Lost MC - Billy dialogue - B>
Billy You like being back in line? Wouldn't want you getting too used to
thinking for yourself.
Johnny: Yeah, Bill? At least I twisted the wick when I had the brothers behind me, old man.
Billy: I'll twist your wick, Johnny. Twist the little thing right off your body.
Johnny Okay, Bill. You got your bike. Take what you gotta take, drink what you
gotta drink, fuck what you gotta fuck. I don't care, kill who you gotta
kill. But get it out of your system.
Johnny And when you do, give me a call and we'll get back to business.
Billy You're not my PO, brother. Remember who the head of this chapter is.
Johnny I do, man... trust me.
Billy Tell me, do you still have Ashley's phone number? Why don't you give
her a call for me? Tell her I'm inside, getting all sorts of fucked up.
And that I would really like some, I mean we, meaning all of us, would
love some hole.
<phonecall to Angus - optional>
Angus Johnny, my brother.
Johnny Hey, Angus. You seen much of Billy yet?
Angus I seen him, yeah. Not much though.
Johnny Well, dude, what do you think? Is he on top of his shit or is he gonna
run this club into a hole?
Angus He's gonna run himself into a hole, I know that. Shit, Billy doesn't
really talk to me. I mean he'd hardly make eye contact since I got
Johnny That's because you're way down in your chair, Angus, and it's hard to
Angus Ha ha ha. That'd be a damn sight funnier if I didn't think it was true,
John. Billy doesn't see anything that he don't wanna. He'll see
anything within smoking, fucking, and drinking proximity, but he won't
see the two ton truck bearing down on him.
Johnny I get you, man. Later on.
<phonecall to Ashley - optional>
Ashley Johnny. Thought you'd never call.
Johnny Yeah, we haven't seen one another in a long time.
Ashley I just see you in my dreams, sugar.
Johnny Come on, Ash, give it up. You seriously got time to dream inbetween
your three-day ice binges?
Ashley What's up, Johnny? How you like having Billy back?
Johnny I like it fine. Look, I got to go. Take care of yourself.
Man, I fucked things up. I know I did. But you weren't a saint. You weren't.
You're who you are, and you do bad shit, and hanging out with you made me do
bad shit, even though it ain't your fault. But I did bad shit to you, because
you were my world. I thought you would kill me and you didn't, so that makes
you a better person than some. I'm so glad we're friends now, it makes me happy
to know you're on my side and even though we ain't together and we both fucked
this thing up, we are at least friends. I'm off the drugs, Johnny boy. I'm off
them. I don't want to get high no more. Not ever. I'm sorting myself out. I'm
going to go to college or something. Give back. I miss you. It won't never be
the same without you, but it's the way it's got to be. I know that, we both did
bad shit and we hurt each other and people who love each other ain't meant to
hurt each other.
<email - positive reply>
Ash. Ain't much point going over shit again. Whole world we live in is fucked
up and we belong in that world. Things weren't meant to be, and I don't seem to
be the family man type. I'm your friend, nothing more. Not ever. I can't watch
you do any more drugs. Good luck staying clean this time. Johnny.
<email - negative reply>
I ain't in the mood for internet chit chat. Have a nice life. Johnny.
So, They Let Him Out? Ridiculous In Some Ways. Man, It's Tough. I Love My Brothers, All Of Them, But There's Brothers Who Stood By Me, (you, Jimy, Clay and a few others) and brothers who said they would, and I think we know which camp Billy and Brian fall into. This is my life now. I can't ride into the sunset. I can't ride into anything. I'm stuck in a chair and I need money. I need it so we have to keep making it. It's tough. I hope Billy don't fuck it up for all of us. He nearly did last time. We are a small crew. We can't beat the Deadbeats, but we can live alongside them. Billy will come out and go on a rampage. And Brian and those other clowns will drag us along. It ain't going to
be good. It's just a question of how bad. Ride safe, Angus
<email - positive reply>
I Hear You, Brother. Whatever Happens, You Know Me & You Are Brothers. Johnny.
<Email - Negative Reply>
Let's Give Him A Chance, Man. Brothers For Life. No Matter What. Johnny.
Angels In America
<cutscene - at The Lost MC>
Billy: Little dorky gas station attendant boy goes "Hey man! Are you alright" And I go "Yeah dude! How's my bike?"
[Everyone laughs. Johnny walks in.]
Billy: Hey! Johnny K.
Girl: Hey Johnny, how you doin' baby?
[Johnny shoves her away.]
Girl Hey, what the fuck?
Billy Ooh, stop, domestic violence.
Johnny Hey man, you having fun over there?
Billy Absolutely. And if I get tested, I have a bag of twelve year old's piss right here. I am clean.
Johnny Real nice.
Billy Oh fuck you, Johnny. You don't judge me!
Johnny Whoaa! Calm down, man. Have another drink or somethin' but calm the
Billy: Oh fuck you, faggot.
Johnny: Yeah? Really?
Jason: [runs in] Guys, guys. Billy, Johnny. We got a couple of fuckin' Deadbeats outside.
Johnny: Deadbeats? What the hell are they doing here?
Billy: What the fuck do they want? I'm out of rehab three minutes, and they think they can crash my party? Come on.
Johnny Let's do what we got to do.
[They head outside.]
Billy Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Why the long faces? Might I tempt you in a swift
libation, my most trusted and honored guests?
AOD I thought we had a truce going on.
Billy Did you? Funny thing - I wasn't aware. But, let me tell you, it's a
strange kind of truce that makes you think it's okay to gatecrash my
party, Deadbeat motherfucker.
AOD: I'm sorry. You enjoy your little party. I take it, the good times are over. No problem, old man. [flips him off]
Billy: Screw you, you Deadbeat prick. [shoots him] Think you can come to my party and gatecrash? Come on!
Jason Yeah, come on!
Johnny Aah, you moron!
<The Lost chase down the Angels of Death trying to escape.>
<phonecall from Billy>
Billy: Johnny, man, you let those Deadbeats tell their buddies a war's on?
Johnny: No, I stopped 'em. We don't need more brothers dyin' over this.
Billy: Sensible Johnny K. Come meet us over on Grummer Road, brother.
<cutscene - in the parking lot off Grummer Road>
Billy Whoo. Disaster averted, brother.
Johnny You coming back?
Jason I'd love to man, but I'm seeing this hot Russian broad over on Firefly Island. Gonna drink her daddy's expensive vodka and fuck her under the pier.
Johnny Ooh - young love in the modern world.
Johnny That's beautiful.
Billy These Deadbeats won't be screwing around with us anymore. Let the good times roll.
<cutscene - at The Lost MC>
Dave They was mad but, see, there was only two of them.
Billy Were mad, Dave. Were. Not was. You should know that. No, you'd a been
okay, because you are a...
Dave Because I am a lawyer.
Billy Yes. And during the week, you cover up those nice, gnarly tattoos with
a grey flannel suit and make a nice, steady income.
Dave Oh man. Tom Stubbs would love hanging out with you boys. Hey may be a
politician, he may be a politician, but he ain't no square.
Billy Smoke, Dave?
Dave Oh, hell yes. [bong]
Billy I put some mescaline in with the weed, Dave, so I'd be very careful if
I were you. [laughing] You could be tripping for days.
Dave I can handle it.
Billy Oh yeah, I fucking love you, man.
[Johnny walks over.]
Billy Johnny, look at this guy. This is Dave - Dave Grossman - by day, top
lawyer at Shysters, by night, a knight of the road, battling the very
corporate forces he represents. Say, Dave, are you a bi-sexual?
Dave Very funny.
Billy I didn't think so, I guessed you just liked cock. Jonathon - bong hit?
Johnny No. Hey Dave, forgive me, man - would you fuck off for a second? I got
to talk to Billy. Please, Dave. Up, Dave.
[Dave walks off.]
Billy You look serious.
Johnny What's next, man? A documentary team in here? You going to write your
autobiography or something?
Billy He's cool - he's a lawyer - he can help us with shit.
Johnny He looks like an asshole.
Billy And right now I think he's tripping his face off...
Billy Look dude, you and me, shit seems kind of tense lately, doesn't it?
It's kind of lame. Have I offended you in some way?
Billy Then what do you say we put all this shit behind us? And have some fun?
[progressively louder] Because life is pain, brother. And through this
life, through this brotherhood, we can give the pain the finger.
Jim Yeah, fuck the pain!
Johnny Yeah, yeah, you're right man. Fuck it.
Billy [pressing buttons on his phone] Yeah, yeah, are you fucking kidding
me?... Where?... [shouting] Alright, all of you, let's go. Let's go!
Our boys are getting jumped.
Billy The Deadbeats are shit kicking the brothers. Stick with me.
<driving - following Billy to Acter Industrial - Brian dialogue - A>
Johnny Brian, Brian, are you sure you want to be here? I mean, this is a man's
job after all.
Brian No, Johnny, nope. You're the fucking pussy, man.
Johnny Shit, I can't hear you, big man. It's the wind. Speak up next time.
<driving - following Billy to Acter Industrial - Brian dialogue - B>
Brian So are you gonna fight alongside your brothers or are you going to join
Johnny As much as I'd like to kick your ass, Brian, I could never go against a
Brian Yeah, not to his face at least. I bet you'd stab him in the back,
<driving - following Billy to Acter Industrial - Billy dialogue - A>
Billy See Johnny? I told you this true meant nothing.
Johnny You're the one who wiped his ass on the truce to start with.
Billy Pre-emptive strike, my brother. And fuck me if it wasn't the right
<driving - following Billy to Acter Industrial - Billy dialogue - B>
Billy You like Mr. David Grossman then, Johnny? He's got some business
contacts that'll appeal to your newly-minted business mind.
Johnny You talk and talk about sticking it to the man and then you hang out
with a lawyer? You must be an American, man - you understand hypocrisy
so damn well.
Billy I'm a complicated individual and I've got serious authority issues. Ask
<The Lost battle the Angels of Death in an abandoned trainyard.>
Billy More Deadbeats on the funeral pyre. Get on your choppers.
Johnny Fuck, dude. You lost your fuckin' mind.
Billy We're moving out, Johnny. Let's go. Word is there's another skirmish.
<driving - following Billy to the next battle - Brian dialogue - A>
Brian Bill did good back there. You could learn a lot from watching him
Johnny Yeah, I need to do some learning. Mind if I practice on you, Brian?
Brian Wouldn't want to hurt you. I don't hit women.
<driving - following Billy to the next battle - Brian dialogue - B>
Johnny Man, the Deadbeats seem real annoyed. If I was you, I'd be scared
they'd attack me in the street.
Brian They're not going to mess with me while I'm with Bill, ha ha. No one
fucks with Bill.
Johnny Good thing you're glued to him, then.
<They battle again at an abandoned processing facility.>
Billy Saddle up, brothers. These fucks are dead.
Billy Brothers... Brothers, come on in, gather round.
Billy Chill out. Brothers, I just got word that Jason's been killed up in
Johnny Aw, man.
Billy He was banging some Russian broad and her heavy duty father didn't much
Brian He hired a fucking Polack to do it.
Billy I think he was a Serb, Brian.
Brian Fucking Slav scumbag all the fucking same.
Billy Shut the fuck up. Brothers, we will find a way to get payback against
this Polish/Russian/Serb - I don't really give a shit. In the meantime,
let's take a moment to remember Jason and all the other men who've
given the finger to this shitty little thing that we call conformity.
Brian Amen, Billy.
Johnny Got that right.
Billy Now, Jason was, he was just a kid, but he hit the throttle harder than
most of us, huh? He was a law breaker, trouble maker, a beer drinker
and hell-raiser. He didn't suffer fools, he got any piece of hole he
wanted, he always had time for a brother in need, and he was scared of
precisely jack shit.
Billy In short - the kind of man I'd want to be. Jason Michaels - lost but
Brian Amen to that, Billy.
Billy Okay boys, the time for pussy licking ass kicking is over. We are
brothers for life, Lost forever. In these perilous times it's more
important than ever that you follow your leader. And this is me,
remember. See you boys back at the clubhouse.
<cutscene - at The Lost MC>
Billy So where did you get them from?
Ray Oh, y'know from a little contact I have who really wants you to cut me
out of the loop... Where'd the hell I get it? What is wrong with you?
All kind of shit it out there, Billy, all you gotta do is grab it.
Billy And that makes you what? A, uhh, shit grabber?
Ray Huh! Shit grabber. Wow! See, I like how you did that - it was very
good, very clever. Almost like a joke, y'know, only it wasn't funny.
[Johnny walks in.]
Billy Johnny - have you met Ray?
Billy Ray Boccino. Hey, my brother. Johnny. Johnny the Jew.
Ray Johnny the Jew - how the hell are you? Do me a favor - help keep this
degenerate out of jail, alright, at least until he's paid me.
Johnny I'll do my best.
Ray Yeah, later. [exits]
Johnny What's he sellin' ya?
Billy Toys, my boy. Toys. Now come on, let's go.
Brian Man, where we going, Bill?
Billy Pay somebody a visit.
Johnny Billy, man, please don't be a dick.
Billy Johnny, you seem a little tense lately. Have you considered some
analysis? Maybe a day spa? High colonic?
Brian [laughing] Colonic!
Billy Follow the leader, assholes.
<driving - following Billy to the AOD clubhouse - Billy dialogue - A>
Johnny Still lifting weights, Billy?
Billy I don't need to now that I'm carrying your heavy ass around with me,
Johnny I think you've got me confused with Brian. He's the one who's
permanently suckered onto your ass.
<driving - following Billy to the AOD clubhouse - Billy dialogue - B>
Johnny Billy, man. Just for once I'd like to know what the fuck we're doing
before we do it.
Billy Having delusions of grandeur, Klebitz?
Johnny Shit, yeah, of course. Only the chapter president gets to know what's
<driving - following Billy to the AOD clubhouse - Billy dialogue - C>
Johnny So is this about kicking ass and feeling like big men or are
gonna make some money?
Billy The two of them are not always mutally exclusive, my brother.
Johnny Really? Let's see.
<driving - following Billy to the AOD clubhouse - Brian dialogue - A>
Johnny Brian, man. What you been doing lately. Sucking Billy's cock, I'm
Brian I seen a video of Ashley fucking on the internet. You're a chump,
Johnny I thought you only watched gay porn on the internet, Brian. You're into
Brian You think that's funny, asshole?
Johnny Tell you what, send me a fucking link to that Ashley video. What do I
care what she's up to? We're through.
<driving - following Billy to the AOD clubhouse - Brian dialogue - B>
Johnny Brian, man, you ever done time?
Brian Only people who do time are the ones that are dumb enough to get
caught. Apart from Bill. He got unlucky.
Johnny It's not luck, Brian. The man wants you he's gonna come find you no
matter how smart you think you are.
<driving - following Billy to the AOD clubhouse - Brian dialogue - C>
Johnny Don't you ever get tired of following Billy without know what's going
Brian That's what you do with a leader, dumbass. Are you sad no one's
following you, Johnny?
Johnny I'd be nothing but embarassed to have you kissing my ass all day,
<driving - following Billy to the AOD clubhouse - Brian dialogue - D>
Johnny You ready for this shit, Brian?
Brian Fucking yes, bitches.
Johnny Alright then, let's fucking do it.
<cutscene - at the AOD clubhouse>
Billy Have I got a toy for you. [holding gun]
Johnny Yeah, whatever Bill. Whaddya want?
Billy What is this?
Billy What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
Johnny What are you talking about?
Billy These Deadbeats are the ones who killed Jason in Broker.
Johnny I thought it was a Pole or a Serb or something?
Billy We got some bad information, brother. These are the guys. They killed
that kid, and look at you, you're acting like you don't even give a
shit. You sick or something, man?
Johnny These Deadbeats killed Jason?
Billy Yes they did. Now take one of these grenades and put it through their
window. The Almighty forgives, Johnny. The Lost don't. [hands over gun]
Brian Yeah, amen Johnny boy.
<Johnny lights up the upper floor of the clubhouse. After a brief shootout with
the AOD, Johnny heads inside to finish off the survivors.>
<cutscene - in the basement>
Billy [laughing] The Deadbeats have got themselves on shit-load of heroin.
Pack it up, Johnny. [indicating two bags]
Johnny Wait, I don't understand... I thought this was payback for Jason, man,
what the fuck is this?
Billy Two million in arm candy's as good a payback as I can think of. Come on
Johnny Jesus, hold your fucking horses, man. Now we're gonna steal their
smack? Slow down.
Billy Slown? Hold up, wait, ooohhhh. Jesus, physics lesson, fuckball. Do you
know how motorcycles work?
Brian You about to get schooled.
Billy Centrifugal inertia. Meaning the quicker your wheels go, the more
stable you are. The faster we go, the harder we hit it, the more us
brothers pull together. That's why we do what we do, that's how we do
what we do.
Brian Why, how - they're the same fucking thing. We go faster, longer, and
harder and that's how we stay together.
Billy Brian. Shut up.
Johnny What the fuck are you talking about? You gotta stop reading them shitty
internet sites, man, and start thinking about what you're doing to us.
We lift this shit right now and every Deadbeat on the east coast is
gonna come after our chapter.
Billy Well, that's something your leader will have to worry about. Not you,
soldier. Brian, grab the shit. Let's clear out.
<text message from Jim - later on>
Ha ha. Johnny, I've sent you a link to the Deadbeats' website. Check it out!
Check out this site, man. Fucking assholes! If ever you thought this war
weren't worth fighting. www.angelsofdeathonline.com
<email - positive reply>
<email - negative reply>
Ain't you got better things to do than look around at shit like this on the
internet? Later, man.
Liberty City Choppers
<phonecall from Jim>
Johnny Hey Jim, what's up?
Jim Same old bullshit, Johnny. Can you come and meet me on Aspdin over in
Johnny Alright, brother. I'll be there.
<cutscene - in a parking lot off Aspdin Drive>
Johnny What's going on, Jim?
Jim Hey, Johnny boy. You know the deal. If it ain't one load of bullshit,
it's a God damn 'nother.
Johnny Tell me about it. I'm coming close to really losing my shit here.
Jim Well, you ain't gonna like what I'm about to do in the next few hours.
Jim We gotta go steal some bikes from the Angels of Death.
Johnny Ain't we a little too old for stealing bikes and clubhouse flags and
crap like that? It don't help nothing.
Jim Hey, I hear ya man. But these bikes are the real deal. Now, I got a guy
who pays me for them then ships them over to Japan. Apparently they're
gonna go crazy for these bikes in particular. Now business is business.
And the Angels, they're the Angels. So do it for the memories.
Johnny Okay. It's been a little a while since you and me been on a prank like
this together, hasn't it?
Jim Too right, brother, too right. Who knows, it might be fun.
Jim I'm point on this run. Let's go.
<driving - following Jim to the yard - A>
Jim You been seeing much of Terry and Clay?
Johnny Not really, as least not since Billy got back. Shit's been too crazy.
Jim You should call them, man. They're still cool. Their heads are probably
in the same kind of place as yours.
Johnny Good to be riding just you and me, Jim.
Jim Nice, man.
Johnny Yeah, man. Fuck all that Billy shit. Let's go.
<driving - following Jim to the yard - B>
Johnny This is what The Lost MC is about, Jim. Hell yeah.
Jim Lost for life!
Johnny Yeah, man. Come on. Feels good to be doing something like this. Not
just breaking heads 'cause Billy feels like it.
Jim Or standing 'round kicking tires and asking what the fucks gone wrong
with the chapter.
Johnny Absolutely. Got to keep active, brother. Keep on moving.
<get into truck>
Jim They got these bikes at their place near Honkers. Drive us, will ya?
<driving - heading to the AOD bikes - A>
Johnny Where'd you get the van, Jim? You ain't turned into some kind of
trailer queen, have you?
Jim Very funny, asshole. This shit belongs to my contact. If I wanted to
take a bike of mine somewhere, I'd drive it myself.
Johnny Yeah? Having an old lady and kid hasn't made you scared of getting
Jim I was riding bikes before your momma rode your daddy, Jonathan. Jackie
and the baby, yeah it's nice and all, and shit, I mean I love them and
stuff, but I'm still a brother. Lost MC, man, forever.
Johnny So if Billy asked you to do something that meant you wouldn't be able
to look after them for some time or, or maybe not ever...?
Jim Yeah Johnny, I take your point. I'd have to think long and hard on it,
okay? But I think long and hard about what I'm gonna order at Burger
Shot as well. I guess I'm the thinking type of maniac.
<driving - heading to the AOD bikes - B>
Johnny Who's this contact then?
Jim A guy Angus knows. They met at one of those bike shows.
Jim Shit. That guy knows more about tuning a bike than the rest of the
brothers put together, but he's the one who can't ride one no more.
Johnny Luck's a perverse thing, ain't it? How are Jackie and the kid? You
haven't brought them to the house in a while.
Jim Hey man, Jackie can handle herself but it ain't exactly a family
friendly environment at the moment, is it? You know, when things calm
<reach the bikes>
Jim It's time to stick it to 'em, Johnny.
Johnny Let's do this.
Jim Get the bikes, Johnny. I'll scan the horizon.
<Johnny gets a bike into the truck and the AOD begin to attack.>
Jim Get the brothers on the wire, Johnny. We need us some help if we're
gonna get home.
<phonecall to Terry>
Terry Jonathan, whatever can I do for you?
Johnny Well, you could save me and Jim's hides from some angry Deadbeats. We
need your help.
Terry Now, you know only a Chapter Head like Billy can ask for that kind of
help. So don't go telling him we're coming to ya.
<With Clay and Terry's help, they kill the AOD and Johnny gets the bikes in the
truck. Johnny and Jim escape more AOD pursuers on their way back to the yard.>
Jim I always get a kick outta sticking it to them pansies.
Johnny Old habits die hard, brother.
Johnny Too bad times weren't always this easy...
[A cop car parks up.]
Jim Oh shit.
Johnny Be cool man.
Ed Well, what do we have here?
Jimmy Looks to me like a couple of mopes with some stolen bikes.
Johnny These bikes are ours, Officer.
Jim Nobody's gonna be reporting these bikes stolen, so give us a break.
Ed Ah, looks like these mopes have outsmarted us, don't it?
Jimmy Unbelievable. These inbred biker rednecks get smarter every year. Your
parents musta been fuckin' brilliant siblings.
Johnny Yeah, funny.
Ed You think you're smart? How smart you gonna feel when we drag your old
lady downtown, turn the cameras off and interrogate her real hard?
Jimmy I bet she'll love it. She'll be begging us for another fucking
interrogation in no fucking time. [knocks over their bikes]
Ed Oh! We've been watching the Angels of Death, shitbirds.
Jimmy That's right, we saw the whole thing you fucking jerk-offs. Case
Ed And now you're gonna fucking pay us. Just like your daddy paid your
momma for sex.
Jimmy Skank bitch wouldn't even give her own brother a freebie. Think of a
number, assholes. And it better be a big one and while you're at it,
we're gonna be watching so you better behave yourselves boys.
Ed Watch it there, slim.
[The cops drive off.]
Jim Fucking cocksuckers. [resetting the bikes]
Johnny Fucking pricks like those ones made me join The Lost in the first
Jim I'm going to go back to the clubhouse, see who's around. Later, man.
<phonecall from Terry - later on>
Terry Johnny, it's Terry. Listen, bro, I heard there's a race going down and
thought you might be interested?
Johnny A race? Too fucking right. I'm in, man. I'll be there as soon as I can.
Terry Sounds good, brother. See you soon.
Bad Cop Drop
<cutscene - in another lot off Aspdin Drive>
Johnny Hey Jim, good to see ya man. What's the trouble?
Jim Take a guess, bro. It might have something to do with those cops that
pulled one over on us.
Johnny I figured.
Jim The way I see it we got two choices. Either, we buy a big tub of grease
and prepare to take it from these fat pigs for the rest of our lives...
Jim Or, we head over to the clubhouse, close to where I happen to know they
got themselves set up, and we show them that we're not quite the
bitches they think we are.
Johnny Well, tempted as I am by your first option, I'm gonna have to go with
Jim I figured you'd say that.
Johnny Lead on, James.
<cutscene - near the clubhouse>
Jim Wait here a minute. [walking over to the cop car] Hey, officers, how
Jimmy Hey McCornish, this fat perp's brought us a present.
Ed You know, I forgot how stupid lookin' this guy was, Matthews. You think
he's smart enough to realize that we got expensive tastes?
Jimmy What you got for us, mope?
Jim Ah, exactly what you asked for.
Jimmy Well, alright-
[Jim punches him in the gut, then takes his coffee and throws it at Ed.]
Jim There ya go!
[He runs back to his bike.]
Jim Make tracks to Trinity Road, John, come on. I got some brothers coming
to meet us.
<driving - heading to the ambush location - A>
Johnny You stole his donut and spilled his coffee. Real mature, man.
Jim We don't want to piss 'em off too much. Not yet, at least.
<driving - heading to the ambush location - B>
Jim That'll show 'em.
Johnny Oh yeah. You messed with a dirty cop's donut. You're one badass biker.
<reach the ambush>
Jim Here's as good a place as any.
<They kill the bent cops and the reinforcements they call in.>
Jim We got lucky there, Johnny boy. I thought we'd be shovelling shit for
those dudes 'til God knows when.
Luis Now you know we ain't going out like that, Jim. I'll see you soon.
<text message from Billy>
Go see Liz Torres. She might be able to unload some of that shit we found. If
it's cool, you can collect from Brian
<phonecall to Billy - optional>
Johnny Liz Torres, huh?
Billy Liz Torres. Keep one eye open, Johnny. You heard the tales.
Johnny I heard 'em alright, but we're cool. Girl does bring heat to a deal,
Billy. Every cop in this town wants that bitch's head on his wall.
Billy There's cops on wiretaps waiting to bust us, and there's monsters in
the closet, and every chick in this town has got VD. Shit, Johnny, you
spook too easy. Get it sold.
<cutscene - at Elizabeta's apartment>
Lizzy Hey, hey, Johnny, the big bad biker man.
Johnny Liz Torres, the meanest bitch in Bohan.
Lizzy Come here, sweetie.
Johnny Shit, I'd let you kiss me, but I'm afraid you'd stick a knife in my
back while I was doin' it.
Lizzy You wouldn't be the first man I'd tried that trick on, sweetie.
Johnny Yeah, I heard the stories. Listen, I also heard you got somebody for
Lizzy Maybe. There's an apartment on Cassidy Street in Schottler. You go
upstairs and talk to Charlie on the third floor.
Johnny There any heat?
Lizzy When isn't there? I've got a new guy going along with you. He's from
Eastern Europe somewheres. If the heat's coming from Charlie, use this
Slavic motherfucker to help. But if it's him, you know what you gotta
Johnny Well, either way it ain't coming back to you, Liz.
Lizzy Ah, you know Playboy? He's going along, too. Hey Playboy!
Playboy [dancing on the other side of the room] Yo, chill for a second yo.
Johnny Nah, not really.
Lizzy Don't you wanna dance?
Johnny Nah, I'll just sit right here and wait for your boy.
Lizzy [to Niko] Surround yourself with cocaine and the assholes soon follow.
Lizzy Come over here. Come here.
Lizzy Niko, this is Johnny. Now, Johnny is sitting on a big pile of heroin. I
don't go near the stuff... professionally... but I found him a buyer.
We're nervous. Will you oversee the deal and check everything is cool?
Lizzy Thank you.
Johnny Well, I got to go pick up the stuff, so, uh, I'll see you there.
<cutscene - in an alleyway in Cerveza Heights>
Johnny Gimme that shit, man. We got a buyer.
Brian I don't know why Billy got you to handle this and not me. I mean,
what's up with that, eh? I guess you Semites are good at sniffing out a
deal, ain't that right, Johnny?
Johnny He didn't get you because Liz Torres, and any other two-bit hustler on
the street, would take you for the little pussy that you are and rob
you blind. Now gimme that shit. [takes it] See you around, big guy.
<cutscene - at the apartment in Schottler>
Niko Hey, you ready?
Johnny Sure, let's do this. Nothing like selling some dope to let you know
Niko Let's go.
PB X Yeah, let's do this.
Johnny Alright, c'mon.
[They walk into the room.]
Charlie Hey... what's going on guys, what's going on?
Johnny Not much. Let's do this.
Charlie You've got the heroin? Right? Right?
Johnny Come on, let's do this, quickly.
Charlie But you've got the heroin, correct? You're carrying it, correct? I mean
it's a simple question.
Johnny What's wrong with you? You're being fucking weird.
Charlie Not weird, man. I just wanna know if you're carrying the stuff right?
Johnny You ain't right, friend, come on... let's get out of here.
[Niko, Playboy, and Johnny run out as Charlie pulls out a gun.]
Charlie LCPD. Freeze motherfucker. I said freeze.
Johnny Get the fuck outta here. I'll go down, you go up. Good luck.
<phonecall to Billy - after losing the cops>
Billy So Johnny, are we rich?
Johnny No Billy, we're not. What we are is under observation by some kind of
LCPD drugs task force. The buyer was a pig.
Billy Hell, Johnny, that's not kosher. I'll call you when another buyer's
Johnny Sounds good.
Billy We're moving up in the world, Johnny. There's a Congressman, needs your
help, Tom Stubbs III. I told you keeping that lawyer around would have
its uses. This guy's at one of them dumb ass gentlemen's clubs in
Algonquin - the kind without tits - The Jousters.
Johnny Politicians and lawyers? What are we becoming, man? Next thing you're
gonna tell me we're doing some shit kicking for the LCPD.
Billy It's just opposite the Libertonian. Go pay him a visit, if you're still
thinking about your brothers and not just your own ego, that is.
<phonecall from Elizabeta - later on>
Johnny Liz Torres.
Lizzy It was good to see you, Johnny.
Johnny Yeah, only problem was your friend the UC. He nearly blew my ass off.
Lizzy Ha ha, ha ha.
Johnny How's your fancy European friend working out?
Lizzy Okay, okay. Seems like maybe he's the only guy in this city not working
for the state.
Johnny Him and The Lost MC. Me and the brothers are tight.
Lizzy I hope so for your sake, Johnny, you know. Ha ha. See you soon, baby.
<phonecall from an unknown caller - later on>
Jones Johnny Klebitz?
Johnny Yeah. Who is this?
Jones You tried to offload some smack to a colleague of mine called Charlie.
Johnny Who the fuck is this?
Jones Agent Jones - FIB. We'd like you to come in for a talk. Things might be
easier for you if you give us some information on your motorcycle club.
Johnny Fuck you, fed. This conversation's over. If you got any evidence on me,
get a warrant.
<cutscene - at The Jousters>
Leavis Do you have an appointment?
Johnny Uhh... no, I thought I'd inquire about a membership.
Leavis Excuse me?
Johnny Uhh, yeah, under this ravaged, drug-addled exterior lies the heart of a
reactionary prick, so I thought I'd fit right in here.
Leavis I think you should leave, sir, before I call the police.
Johnny "I think you should leave, sir, before I..." Dude, it's the twenty-
first century. Let me tell you something... You've got a job wiping
rich pricks' asses, and for some reason you seem a little pleased with
Leavis Will you leave?
Johnny Trust me, man, nothing would please me more, but I'm supposed to see
Tom Stubbs and, well, he said to meet him here.
Leavis Oh, Mr. Stubbs, sir. Okay, you only had to say so, sir. Follow me, will
you. Mr. Stubbs is in the day spa, receiving some back work.
Johnny Right you are.
[They head into the back where Stubbs is getting a massage.]
Leavis Mr. Stubbs. A gentleman for you.
Stubbs Thank you, Leavis... And thank you.
Stubbs So you're David Grossman's friend?
Johnny Oh yeah, we're old, old buddies.
Stubbs Love the old boy network.
Johnny Yeah, I can imagine. So what is it that you want?
Stubbs Can you excuse us, sugar?
Sugar Okay, sure.
Stubbs And thank you, best massage I ever had that didn't involve a happy
ending or a poignant sense of guilt afterwards.
Sugar See you tomorrow.
[Stubbs gets to his feet, completely in the nude.]
Stubbs Tom Stubbs. How do you do?
Johnny Well, now that you mention it... I'm starting to feel a little queasy.
Stubbs Don't be pathetic, and no secrets here, pal. Now, listen, I'm in a bit
of a bother, sport.
Johnny Well, I think they can fix that with surgery these days, you know.
Stubbs Can we stop with the jokes? Grossman tells me you're reliable.
Johnny Grossman? That guy's an asshole.
Stubbs Look, I'm not going to insult your intelligence by pretending to be a
good guy. I'm a politician. I'm a cynic. I'm very needy. I need people
to like me. I need people to like me so that they elect me. I need
people to elect me so that I feel marginally less bad about myself when
I stare into the mirror. That being said, I try to do a good deed here
Johnny Democracy's a beautiful thing.
Stubbs Personally, I'd prefer a benign dictatorship without the pretense of
choice, but let's leave the political discussions, shall we?
Johnny Yes, let's.
Stubbs Unfortunately, an awful man has insured that my chance of being re-
elected is pretty much zero.
Johnny Why? Blackmail?
Stubbs Not exactly. I need his money, and he hasn't died.
Johnny What? You want me to kill your father?
Stubbs No, that's disgusting. How could you suggest such a thing? My father
died years ago, thank God. No, my uncle. That sanctimonious do-gooder
controls the family trust.
Johnny Whoa, that's heavy, man.
Stubbs Yes, so is being arrested for drug-running and spending the next thirty
years in prison. You and your little gang, I mean.
Johnny I see. You make a wonderful politician.
Stubbs I know. Now, you've got to get the old goat today. Make it spectacular.
Make it appear as though it's a terrorist act - that'll do wonders for
my campaign in all sorts of ways. Leavis will give you a package on
the way out. Oh, and Klebitz, trust me... I am what I am, but I look
out for those who help me.
Johnny A blackmailer with a conscience, beautiful.
<text message from Stubbs>
Something about faked terrorist acts gets me all excited, Klebitz. You can
either take out the chopper as it lands or deal with the convoy as it makes its
way out of the airport. By the way, I've got a man at the Southwest gate who
can help you if you get locked into the runway area. - TS III
<text message from Stubbs - after killing his uncle>
My sources tell me you've been locked inside the airport. There's a man at the
Southwest gate who can attack it for you. - TS III
<phonecall to Stubbs - after escaping the cops>
Stubbs Okay, Klebitz. Give me the good news. I'm just about happy with the
eulogy my researchers drafted up.
Johnny Sadly, Stubbs, I'm not going to be able to disappoint you. Your uncle
is no longer with us. For my conscience's sake, I hope your lack of
humanity is a genetic quality.
Stubbs Ah, he was a man of the people, a philanthropist, a pompous windbag and
an occasional catamite, a typical Stubbs you might say. Sleep easy and
drop into the club sometime soon.
<phonecall from Jim - later on>
Jim Johnny, it's Jim, you wanna roll on some Deadbeats?
Johnny What a fantastic idea, James. I'll see you at yours.
Jim Great, man. See you soon.
<phonecall from Jim - later on>
Johnny Hello there, James. How ya doin'?
Jim Getting through it, brother - just about. Listen, that guy we stole
those Angels of Death bikes for, he's got a whole shoppin' list of
bikes he wants. You interested in procuring them for him?
Johnny As long as it ain't gonna get us in the shit any more dirty cops.
Jim Them cops ain't around no more. Get Angus on the wire when you're ready
to roll. He's got the details. So long, brother.
<cutscene - at The Jousters>
Leavis Ahh, Mr. Stubbs is expecting you.
Johnny Hey, how ya doing, man?
Leavis Oh yes, sir. Hello, sir. I'm fine.
Johnny Good. Hey, let me ask you something... Do you really enjoy life?
Leavis I don't really know what you mean, sir.
Johnny I mean, does serving all these rich morons, you know... smell of money
and all that stuff, you know, does that make you happy?
Leavis Yes, sir, something like that. And tell me, sir, are you happy? I mean,
has giving the man the, err, finger, really satisfied some inner urge
within you, sir?
Johnny Well, I think what I've learned is that there's always a man, dude. He
just wears a different uniform.
Leavis As you say, sir. Ah, Mr. Stubbs is in the steam room. Right this way.
[Leavis takes him in back to Stubbs.]
Stubbs Klebitz! How ya doing, sport?
Johnny Hey. I'm fully clothed in a steam room with a murdering politician,
while my whole life falls to shit all around me. But fuck it, I'm
alright. Miss your uncle?
Stubbs Oh, I've doubled up on the therapy.
Johnny Change your therapist.
Stubbs Oh, but I've been seeing Dr. White since I was seven. The man's a
Johnny Okay. What can I do for you, man? I'm not really dressed for this and
you said it was urgent.
Stubbs Yes, well, there's been a clerical error down in the deepest recesses
of the Civic Citadel. A group of outstanding civlians, voters, have
mistakenly been taking into LCPD custody.
Johnny Well, isn't there something you can do about that yourself, man? Pull
some strings or something?
Stubbs No, I'm afraid not sport, way too far down the line for that. Too much
red tape, yadda yadda yadda... No, all you need to know is that, uh,
these gentlemen are in a prison transport bus, and you, my friend, need
to liberate them.
Johnny Sure, I got it.
Stubbs The bus is at the Leftwood Police Station. Get them out of there and we
will make it worth your while.
Johnny Okay, I got it.
Stubbs Don't sweat it, Klebitz.
<Johnny breaks into Leftwood Station and reaches the prison bus.>
[Johnny hops into the bus and knocks out the driver. One of the prisoners grabs
the other policeman aboard and pulls him to the floor.]
Guy You're the best tasting thing I've had since I got locked up.
Johnny That's intense. Alright! Since we've all, uh, eaten, we've got a new
[Johnny throws the driver out and takes the wheel.]
<escape the cops>
Johnny Can you keep it down? In case you ain't noticed, I'm trying to keep you
boys outta prison.
Guy 2 The rendezvous is by the Globe Oil plant in the Acter Industrial Park.
<driving - heading to the rendezvous - A>
Johnny So, umm, what're you folks in for?
Guy For these fellas it's white collar shenanigans. Caught with their hand
in the cookie jar. My greed was of a... more corporeal nature.
Johnny I'm gonna take that as meaning you were into some sick shit. Let's not
Guy As you wish, dear boy.
Johnny I'm guessing it wasn't you I got paid to bail out anyways.
Guy I doubt those who remember me think it a great idea that I am about to
be roaming free again.
Johnny Okey dokey then.
<driving - heading to the rendezvous - B>
Guy So, you're a motorcyclist? What hardware do you grip between those
thighs? A panhead, shovelhead, V-twin?
Johnny You a bike man?
Guy I'm familiar with mechanics. I believe it's man's duty to take things
apart and see how they work.
Guy You learn so much from seeing the insides of things. Cars, bikes... we
are all machines.
Johnny You got real problems, brothers.
Guy And everything in your garden is rosey. How nice! I wager one could
learn a lot about my fellow prisoners by seeing how they're wired.
Johnny Learn all you like, just wait until I'm paid, mister.
<reach the rendezvous>
Guy Thank you, sir. My fellow prisoners and I are most grateful. We've got
a boat to catch. [singing as he leaves] Oh, I do like to be beside the
seaside. Oh, I do like to be beside the sea. Oh, I do like to walk
along the prom, prom, prom, where the brass bands play fidaly bum, bum,
Johnny Bon voyage.
<phonecall to Stubbs>
Johnny Your friends are out to sea, Mr. Stubbs. Good luck to them. I think
they'll need it.
Stubbs Oh, don't you worry, those boys don't need luck. You shoulda seen them
in '73. Believe me, a short recession and a trip to Panama isn't going
to finish those boys off. All traders by blood. Great genes.
Johnny I was thinking their problem might lie with one of the other passengers
on their little cruise. Later on, Mr. Congressman.
<phonecall from Stubbs - later on>
Stubbs Ah, Johnny boy, how's it going out there?
Johnny More shit storm than steam room, Congressman. We weren't all born into
Stubbs No, some of us married into it. Ha ha ha.
Johnny And some of us killed for it. You got any work for me, man?
Stubbs Well, now that you mention it, there might be a few things that need to
be handled discretely. Call me if you feel up to it, sport. Bye now.
This Shit's Cursed
Hit The Pipe
End Of Chapter